Archive

Posts Tagged ‘gas joke’

The Truth About Fabric Comes Out!

July 30, 2012 2 comments

Fabric Hoarders Beware !
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that
actually hypnotize women 
and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts.

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric)
cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome ( similar to the ones
squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food) therefore perpetuating their
species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and
mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very
high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of breed of women known as
customers.

When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants “Buy me” “Cut
me”
 “Sew me“!  In order to overcome the so-called feeding frenzy effect that these
fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear
plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh however, at the sight of
customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones !)

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread
the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called fabric
store clerks. 
It’s also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a
pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least
blend them into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is
new, the reply is “I’ve had it for a while”

(Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild
Newsletter) Written by Kathy (Smith) Harris, Tuscon AZ