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Sew Funny Jokes

Rules for Quilting

1. Always buy fabric no matter how much you
already have
2. Sew All Day and All Night absolutely no
cooking allowed
3. Use a lot of spit for tiny droplets of blood, this
always makes the quilt personal
4. Always start a new quilt before the last one is
finished, this requires you to go back to step # 1

 

 

You Know you are a Quilter If……..
There’s more Fabric in the House than Food
“Fat Quarters” are not the heaviest part of your body
Your ironing board is always set up but you never iron clothes
You think of your job as an interruption of your quilting time
You pet Fabric
People are always picking threads off you
You can measure a scant 1/4 by eye
“Featherweight” Doesn’t mean Boxer
Your “UFO’s” are not from outer space
You clean up your sewing room & they think you are leaving

 

 

She Learned to Quilt on MONDAY.
Her stitches all were fine
She forgot to make us dinner
So we all went out to dine

She quilted miniatures on TUESDAY
she says they are a must
They really were quite lovely
But She forgot to dust

On WEDNESDAY it was a sampler.
She says stippling’s fun
What Highlights What Shadows!
But The LAUNDRY was’nt done

Nine Patches were on Thursday
Green,Yellow,Blue and red.
I guess she really was engrossed
She never made the Bed.

It was wall hangings on Friday.
In colors she adores
It never bothered her at all
That crumbs were on the floor

I found a maid on SATURDAY
My week is now complete
My wife can quilt the hours away
The house will still be neat

Well, now its only SUNDAY
I think I,m about to wilt
I cursed,I raved,I ranted
Cause the Maid has learned to QUILT !

 

Comment and please leave a joke or funny comment below.

Love ya.

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The Truth About Fabric Comes Out!

July 30, 2012 2 comments

Fabric Hoarders Beware !
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that
actually hypnotize women 
and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts.

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric)
cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome ( similar to the ones
squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food) therefore perpetuating their
species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and
mixed with others. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very
high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of breed of women known as
customers.

When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants “Buy me” “Cut
me”
 “Sew me“!  In order to overcome the so-called feeding frenzy effect that these
fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear
plugs to avoid being pulled into their grip. (One must laugh however, at the sight of
customers in a fabric store, with WW2 army gas masks and headphones !)

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread
the effect that these fabrics have on the human population. They are called fabric
store clerks. 
It’s also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a
pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least
blend them into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is
new, the reply is “I’ve had it for a while”

(Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild
Newsletter) Written by Kathy (Smith) Harris, Tuscon AZ